Tag Archives: family

The Best Christmas Gift Ever

In fall of 1990, we moved to a fixer-upper in Indian Springs of the Monterey-Salinas area. Our list of projects was daunting–70s flocked wallpaper to remove, insulation to install, fences to mend, burnt-orange shag rug to pull, hardwood floors to lay down, and children to attend–of course–not in that particular order. We were still unpacking boxes when it came time to trim the Christmas tree and hang lights. Our children, ages five and two, were firm believers of Santa, so we tried our best to keep the magic going.

Sometime after Thanksgiving (not like now in September) and back when Sears and Target catalogs arrived in mailboxes everywhere, our littles were entertained for at least ten minutes, by pouring over the magazines and circling and numbering their wishes for Santa. Top of Meghan’s list was any play structure–any or all. The higher the ladder, the longer the swings, the more dare-devily the construction, the wackier the slides, the longer the monkey-bars, so much the better. That was all she wanted. She made this clear every visit to Santa and every day for days marching right up to Christmas. There was nothing else on her list.

The week before Christmas, Dale and I collapsed after completing semester grades for our high school classes. With no time to waste, we tackled family matters–top of the list was making Meghan’s play structure. However, a minor glitch happened when a northwest storm blew in dropping temperatures to well below freezing, as low as 23 degrees, and we now dealt with something more pressing, which was keeping pipes from bursting. Dale climbed into the crawl space and spent the first half of vacation insulating the ground-floor, as well as exterior pipes, to mitigate any potential problems. After all, we lived in California, not Maine or Alaska, and construction was just not the same. Our home was not built for temperatures like that.

Around December 23, Dale and I realized that Santa would be unable to fulfill Meghan’s only wish. So, I went to Costco. I braved long lines and dodged carts and fought other customers for what I figured would be the best alternative to a play structure. I bought a gorgeous Barbie, decked in a sparkly red ball gown, complete with high heels (what else) and bows of gold and silver in her glorious, wavy blonde hair. Breathtaking, really. Miss America almost. I wrapped Barbie in Christmas wrap, the special wrap designated from Santa, and wrote, under his guidance, that the play structure would come soon and Barbie could be Meghan’s playmate until then.

Christmas morning arrived with the expected high level of excitement. Our girls woke at some ungodly hour before dawn, and obeyed the established rule of opening their stockings before breakfast, saving the biggest and best presents for last. Everything in its own time. Stockings, next waffles, followed by, most importantly, parents’ coffee. Santa’s gifts arrived with anticipation!

Meghan, who could read few words, listened quietly as I read Santa’s note:

Dear Meghan,

You will get your swing set and ladder soon, I promise. I could not fit it all in my sled on this trip. In the meantime, Barbie needs a playmate.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Santa.

Nothing is more devastating to a parent than to watch your child’s dreams dashed. Meghan didn’t say much. Her tears spoke volumes.

Actually, I do remember she said, “Why would Santa give me this?” in between sniffles.

Allie, on the other hand, took one look at Barbie and it was a match made in heaven.

“She’s so pretty” is what she gasped.

Meghan passed off Barbie and Allie could not believe the best dream she never dreamed was complete. That same afternoon, Dale and Meghan visited 84 Lumber, which happened to be open on Christmas Day. They brought home cement, wood, frames, and of course, a slide. The play structure was completed within a week.

Now, thirty-some years later, Dale’s carpentry skills are still at work. This week, Dale and Meghan set the posts, the beginnings of a play structure for our grandkids–Emmy and Theo. Emmy learned how to use the drill. Theo toddled around holding a screwdriver, sticking it into new drilled holes. Neither grandchild understands what the construction is going to be, but perhaps in this pandemic year, it will be something wonderful indeed.

35 Years of Marriage–Year 15

1998 was the Year of the Pig, at least in our family.  In the Chinese calendar, it was the Year of the Tiger, but that summer we raised Rufus, a spring pig in 4H, and Meghan aged 13, Allie 10, Sam 7, and me and Dale middle-aged and feeling it.

After school and for several weekends, Dale and Meghan dug trenches and poured cement for a pig pen–one that a 250+ pound pig could not escape. We were city slickers, suburbanites really, and understood cats and dogs, hamsters and parakeets. With a dismal knowledge of livestock, we relied on 4H leaders to teach us what we needed to know, basically everything. As the saying goes, “When in the rurals, do as the rurals do.” We lived on the edge of suburbia, surrounded by farmland. We could do this.

Rufus arrived straight from his birthplace, a few miles down the road at a respectable 70 pounds. He needed to gain another 160+ pounds before the Monterey County State Fair. So, began our foray into farming, which meant extra work for me and Dale, as we oversaw twice daily feedings, stall cleanings, and pig walks, drove to feed stores for hay and feed, carted water to the trough, and drove kids to weekly 4H meetings.

Pigs are smart; they bark like dogs, chase paper flying in the wind, sprint when a gate swings open. Within minutes of “rooting” in his new pen, Rufus found the waterer, a large PVC pipe with a mammary gland-like metal tube. Knowing where to find water proves pigs’ intelligence, and Rufus was brilliant. He figured out how to shower by leaning his butt against the nozzle and make a sloppy pool of mud to wallow in. Five gallons of water emptied quickly, so Dale and I replenished the supply hourly. Good thing we were on summer break.

I cried during Rufus’s “weigh-in” at the fair, anticipating the loss of my swine companion, while Meghan calculated her potential earnings from his 265 pounds at auction. I think she looked forward to sleeping in past 6 am. Rufus won his weight-class, Meghan and Rufus performed well in showmanship, and I held it together until Sunday night when the fair ended. It took me  a year to recover emotionally.

I’m Back!

No better way to start the new year than starting to write again. I am fighting that terrible, bad, awful flu, that same flu that the flu shot did nothing against, that same flu that makes my every cell ache, my head throb, my throat burn, my eyes run… Yes, that one. But, for the first time in days, I am vertical, so I will celebrate 2018 with a return to my love of writing. I am celebrating surviving this virus, the first “real” flu I’ve experienced.

So, why did I step away from this site for going on 5 years? A lot–too much–to cover in a first day back, but in brief here is my litany of excuses (now you know–I am a cradle Catholic–litanies are in my genes.

Dad got sick, then Mom got dementia.

Daughter became seriously depressed, then suicidal.

Youngest daughter moved away and we became empty-nesters (or parents of a few furry children).

Husband retired and volunteered in earnest.

My work position changed.

Dad fell sick again and parents needed full time care.

Parents moved to a retirement home.

Dad died; I lost my greatest muse.

I retired.

Mom passed; I lost my greatest cheerleader.

Our first grandbaby arrived.

We sold our home of 26 years and moved 700 miles south.

We moved to our new mountain home.

 

 

 

 

 

Mom and Dad

I haven’t written a word, except for work, in weeks or so it seems.  I hear words and stories all the time in my head, but my heart and hands are unwilling to type. My parents are fading away like a brilliant sunset that turns silently into the dark night. Together yet apart. One in assisted living, one in nursing care. What tears our family apart is that they cannot be together. I should be writing about my 15th year (of my 31 years of marriage), but I don’t care to. My marriage will never be a strong and vibrant as what my parents have, despite their weakening hearts. Their devotion is not unlike the couple in The Notebook, where the wife has Alzheimer’s and the husband has heart disease.

Dad has his litany of ailments and Mom is a “loon,” most of the time. Ironically, it is during Mom’s lucid moments when she complains, “Take me home, Jack. I want to go home” that Dad suffers the most. He feels her pain, tears well in his eyes. Dad needs assistance, not as much as Mom.  He changes the oxygen tank which he drags wherever he goes; for the most part, he is tethered now to a machine. I see him wearing down, running out of air and time. He dresses himself, pays his bills on time, and walks the long walk up the two flights of stairs to fetch Mom. What he cannot do or struggles with are daily showers and laundry and cooking, so he is on the assisted living side in the same retirement community, which Dad refers to as the “institution.”

Meanwhile, Mom resides in the nursing side of their retirement complex/institution, refuses to walk, prefers to be pushed in the wheelchair, and wants to sit near Dad as she watches Fox News. Dad is as sharp as any SNL comedian; he would rather watch CNN, anything but Fox Network, but he defers to Mom, as he has for years. The rest of us know his true thoughts as he withholds little from us. Mom has no idea of the time or day or year or what she had for breakfast or what happened five minutes ago, and considering how she gets her current news, it is no wonder she is confused all the time. Sometimes our family changes the station to Comedy Central and Mom is happy because Steven Colbert is as “patriotic” as anyone on Fox. What Mom knows is family and that she is not home and that she wants to go home.

I have no doubt that my parents will go home together–probably within hours of each other. They cling to each other exclusively as do swans or turtle doves or wolves or gibbons or loons, other animals that also mate for life.

31 Years of Memories–Year 14

First Half of 1996 – 1997

Our girls were 5, 8, and 11 when I returned to teaching high school full-time. This was the year of Quackers the duck and our immersion into the world of 4H, starting with poultry and rabbits, and then moving to sheep and pigs. One afternoon, Sammy brought home a special “gift” from her kindergarten class, a newly hatched, almost neon yellow duck. Quacker’s webbed feet never touched land as he was passed from one girl to the next. Most days, he slept contentedly in the palms of his many little mothers, within another hand’s reach of duck feed. Quackers thrived and pooped and pooped and thrived. At night, he slept in a refurbished hamster cage, which lasted about a week, as he quickly outgrew that abode and moved into the chicken coup.

Our cat, Ginger stalked him wherever he waddled, so our girls and their friends stood guard while he was young. However, ducks grow quickly, even faster than children do, and within a month, Quackers was twice the size of the cat. Ginger kept her distance—the two paced on the backyard deck—meowing and quacking, respectively to come into the house. By three months, in duck adolescence, Quackers was like something out of a Dr. Seuss book—a brown, white, yellow mishmash of colored feathers on short legs, long neck with a beacon of an orange bill. As he grew, he became territorial; hence, our assumption that this duck was a male and no 4H leader was going to “sex” him to find out.

One morning, Allie opened the chicken coup to release Quackers for his daily foraging of our yard. As she lifted him out of his cage, he flapped his white wings that proved flightless, which landed him squarely between the cage and a bale of hay. Bottom up and webbed feet kicking furiously, Quacker’s neck and small head wedged firmly in the narrow spot, while poor Allie screamed for help, but by the time I pulled Quackers free, he was bleeding from his bill, which I deduced brain damage. Sure enough, the next few days Quackers staggered around the yard, twisting his head to one side to see with his one good eye. He was a sad, nearly blind duck—a large, flightless Pekin better for a meal than anything else, but slowly, over weeks, Quackers recovered.

At four months, Quackers had developed into a well-fed Pekin, ready for a banquet. He flourished from the exercise and endless supply of food. The exercise came from chasing small children who ran about our yard. Not that he would eat any of them, but countless kids from the neighborhood sustained tiny red welts from his bill-bites, as he latched on the thinnest piece of skin and held tight. I was the nurse for many. Once safely atop the play structure, the children were stranded by Quackers, who circled the area, quacked loudly, and waited to strike unaware children who swung too low, or dropped from the rope, or slid down the slide, or jumped off the monkey bars. He was there. Waiting. Quacking. Again, I rescued kids with my mop in hand and defended against duck-attacks.

By summer’s end, after months of hosing off the deck or walkways or wherever the duck waddled, months of dashing outside mop in hand to protect small, defenseless children, I was “done with duck raising.” Time to release our assailant. Quackers clearly outgrew our domain, one-half acre was insufficient territory. He needed a more expansive spread; say the entire pond at the bottom of our hill. The hills beyond our house were nearly limitless—expanding into 1500 acres of wilderness, a regional park. Quackers could roam forever–free at last!

We found a large orange crate in which Quackers could sit, and then with smiles amid tears, we marched down the hill. Each little girl sniffled her goodbyes, sure that he would miss her and she would miss him. Dale brought the camera; we would have pictures. We reached the edge of the pond where Dale tenderly placed the box of Quackers. The five of us plus duck stood our places at the lip of the pond. I focused the camera, ready for action. Nothing happened. We waited—no flapping of wings, no quacking. The duck remained in the box, and he was not going anywhere. Quackers looked at Dale, with pleading in his eyes, and he turned his head from side to side to make sure Dale saw both eyes (prey, of course, have eyes on the sides of their head). He waited for his master, Dale to do something. Dale reached down and removed Quackers from the carton. The duck moved as close as possible to Dale’s size 14 boot, which Quackers knew well, but the boot was a safer bet than the unknown but beautiful pond. So, we stood—duck, Dale, me, Meg, Allie, and Sam for the longest time. No one moved.

After a few minutes, Dale with soft and gentle hands that Quackers never experienced before picked up the duck. He lovingly stroked Quackers’ long white feathers, spoke kind words, and said, “Goodbye. Be strong. Be a duck.” Then, he tossed him, as a quarterback would throw a football to a receiver at the far end of the field. Quackers instinctively flapped, which, of course was useless. He landed with a giant splash because he was such a beefy bird, and sprinted out of the water as though chased by some predator. Now, he was quacking, loudly, furiously, and shaking. He ran to his master’s side and Dale tried again. In fact, Dale tried to get rid of Quackers at least five times. Each heave met with a quacking duck, exiting the water faster than before—taking off as a seaplane. After an hour of unsuccessful attempts of introducing Quackers to our pond, we gave up. He was going home. To our house. I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

31 Years of Memories–Year13

Changes Ahead

12/28/93 – 12/28-94

While our kids, Meghan, Allie, and Sam were little 10, 7, and 4, I worked half-time, Dale worked time and a half, his summers spent in construction as a tradesman-carpenter in electrical, plumbing, and carpentry on assorted remodels or new homes. Each Christmas, I consulted Alan Douglas, Dale’s friend and employer, for tool suggestions. Alan directed me to the right store, exact machines and best prices, so for these years, Dale acquired new skills and skill saws or saws-all or jig-saws or drills or whatever a good tradesman needed. Little did we know at that time how these skills and skill saws would be used, but that is a story yet to come.

For one brief blip during my teaching career, I shared a fourth grade position with Jan Nutton. Jan taught Monday and Tuesday and I Thursday and Friday, while we shared Wednesday.  It was quite an adjustment moving from high school to elementary, despite the fact that La Mesa was a science magnet school with field trips nearly every week. I delighted in teaching a variety of subjects and considered staying at fourth grade when the year ended.

Fourth grade children usually enjoy school, unlike teenagers, and they offer their teachers cards of devotion on random occasions or hug their teachers at moments of celebration or sorrow or boredom or giddiness. Not much triggers a hug, and initially, I struggled with the steady barrage of embraces, as this was so foreign from high school student behavior. I stood tall and immobile as one child after another lunged at me “hello,” “goodbye,” “good lunch,” or “nice break. ” Okay, that was weird—students marched in line –but not without the requisite contact. By high school, there is no marching except for ROTC, and hugs morph into high fives or slaps on the back or fleeting eye contacts, the latter the more typical. Elementary students gave wings to my heart every day. They tugged on my shirt, sweater, and sleeves. They hovered around my desk. They gave glittery, flowery cards, both girls and boys, cards unlike anything my husband has bestowed upon me, and he has given me plenty of cards. I received apples, oranges, pears and roses—for no reason. Dale is romantic, in a practical sense; his roses were the potted kind we added to our garden.

This year, we rushed to school or to day-care or to soccer practice or to swim practice (both of us), or wallowed in dirty laundry or clean clothes (mostly me), kept up with shopping and meals for five (me), maintained working vehicles (Dale), maintained plumbing or wiring or flooring or whatever the house needed (Dale),  kept up with yard work (both of us),  brushed and backwashed the pool (mostly me), bought clothes for growing children (always me)—all of which took hours of our days and weeks and weekends.

The dilemma of fourth grade verses high school hovered over my head for weeks, until I finally decided that high school anything was more stimulating than fourth grade curriculum; I returned to the high school campus and down the hall from Dale.  It was a difficult decision—a melancholy for the sweetness of young children and their precious gifts for the mania of high school adolescents and their exuberance for life.

31 Years of Memories–Year 12

31 Years of Memories—Year 12

12/28/1992 – 12/28/93

Sam was 1-year-old, Allie 4, Meghan 7, Dale 42, me 38, and Fort Ord 75 years old and the base was closing. Congress warned in the “Base Realignment and Closure Act” that closure of Fort Ord was imminent. In response, our school district initially did the responsible thing and generated a list of employees, their priority numbers based on year hired and subjects taught. The lists hung on public bulletin boards near bathrooms, in teacher lounges, next to mailboxes or in mailboxes, on any available space on campus. It was the first question asked when you met someone.

“Hi, so, where are you on the list?” or “Hi, what’s your number?”—so GATACCA-like in nature.

To which the ubiquitous response was “Oh, I already have a job in ______________” or “I am safe. They won’t get rid of math or science teachers” (implying that these lucky people were more valuable that the rest).

To which the usual reply was “Oh, yeah, sorry, about that and good luck on the job search” or “Wow, yeah, you’re in a good place.”

Dale and I were momentarily safe, yet the stress on our family was as insidious as a cancer diagnosis with its impending treatment. We were only “safe” until the next CAT scan or PET scan, or in our case, the updated list. No one knew exactly what effect the departure of 22,000 troops would have on local schools and businesses, but there was plenty of speculation.

We had seen the army come and go with a variety of deployments. In 1989, the seventh IDL deployed to Panama to restore order and then captured, Dictator Manuel Noriega. In 1990, the seventh IDL joined the coalition troops in the Middle East to defeat Iraq during Desert Storm. One of the last deployments was to quell the 1992 Los Angeles-Rodney King riots. Each time, when Congress called out the Cavalry, it took its toll on our students, most of whom cried for days while we consoled and tried to teach them. Often, bomb threats to the campus accompanied the deployments, as though students had anything to do with the government decisions. The bomb scares were nerve-wracking distractions as we stood in evacuation lines for an hour or so, until the military police secured the campus.

So, we were familiar with the military response, but nothing prepared us (and the school district) with the rapidity the military used for the base evacuation. The day after the government announcement, oversize eighteen-wheelers carted off military mobile homes to God-knows-where. Each day, three to five students submitted transfer requests; my average class enrollment of thirty dropped to five students. Our district could do nothing. Teachers signed contracts in September at the beginning of the school year and Congress decided in October to close the base. Every teacher remained in class, regardless of student enrollment, while school funds plummeted with ADA (average daily attendance) as over 500 students dropped to Germany, Hawaii, Korea, or wherever the military sent its troops and their families. We began the year with over 1300 students and ended with barely 400. Dale and I survived for this year.

I jogged, during my fourth period prep, through the ghost town of a base. No sounds from abandoned homes, no evidence of life, no evidence of succession in that first year. It was a significant year of change for all of us.

31 Years of Memories–Year 10

10 Years a Family

10 Years a Family

Year 10 from 12/28/1990 to 12/28/1991
Ski Trip Extraordinaire

When I started this series of postings, I limited myself to the best events each year. That was my goal. I could write a realistic blog, which includes tragedies and mishaps, instead I deliberately chose to focus on uplifting, positive moments. That said it is important to preface some posts with sad facts that preceded events. For example, I miscarried twice before the birth of Allie. Therefore, when Allie finally arrived, we celebrated even more because we understood how fragile life and pregnancies were. I miscarried again following Allie. The doctor suggested this unusual loss at nearly 20 weeks was likely a cord problem, so I was reticent about another baby. I decided the best attitude was “Que sera sera” or “Whatever will be will be.” I remember our discussion on our ninth anniversary at the Carmel Mission Inn about trying once more. Dale was nearing 40 and I was 37. Our little “Que Sera” came nine months later and with an attitude to match.
A drive to work on a January morning, my radio tuned to the local 60s & 70s station, I half-listened to the D.J. pitch the station’s latest contest for three nights at Squaw Valley Resort. “The lodge front doors just steps to the ski lift, the 5 star restaurant atop the mountain, Olympic Village ski runs for Olympians through beginners,” he rambled on. I was on “autopilot,” ready to sing along boisterously, no passenger to correct my sharp notes or to complain about my interpretation of songs from my youth. The morning whizzed by and I headed home around noon, ready to begin my alternate life as supermom. As I drove up the hill, the afternoon D.J. said, “We will take the 7th caller for our contest. Call now and you could win three nights at Squaw Valley Resort.” I screeched into the driveway, sprinted into the house, ignored my kids and their Nana, grabbed the phone and dialed.
I never do this. I never enter contests. I never win. If I buy lottery tickets, it is once a decade. If I go to Las Vegas or Reno, I go to the shows. I do not throw coins in the machines or on the tables. I am not a gambler. But, on this one day in my lifetime, I was.
And I was the seventh caller.
The man on the other line asked, “How many steps from the lodge to the ski lift?”
Me—“37, 37, 37”—screaming, shaking, leaping up and down, and nearly crying–I knew this answer.
The man—“Are you sure?”
Me—“Yes, yes, yes! I know this! I heard it on the morning show,” I yelled into the phone. Nana and the kids stared at me as though I lost my mind.
The man—“Okay, congratulations, you just won three nights for a family of four to stay at the Squaw Valley Resort. Stay on the line for more details.” I heard the background noise of the radio as he put on the next set. He returned with the direct line to the resort and the reservation redemption code. Apparently, many other stations were offering the same package. It was a drought year and rocks were showing on the main slopes.
I called immediately to make reservations for spring break in March. The reservation clerk of Squaw suggested I save the trip until the following fall or winter, as there might be better skiing.
Clerk—“You won’t be able to ski in March,” he explained. “We expect to close the resort in a week, unless we get more storms. It doesn’t look promising.”
Me—“No, I need to go this spring, not next fall, because I am pregnant. I have two kids now, but I will have three kids next fall. It will be simpler in March.” I could not convince the guy it was easier being pregnant with two kids than having three little ones.
So, I made our reservations for a trip seeing wildflowers and hiking in the woods instead of skiing on Olympic runs. Then, the rains began and did not stop the entire month of February. In fact, January to February went from being one of the driest on record to the wettest in a month. Salinas had two 100-year floods in a row within a span of weeks. The snow pack exceeded 50 feet, nearing Donner Peak record levels, and the resort stayed open until mid-July. We skied fresh powder and walked all of 37 feet to the ski lift every day.