Category Archives: 4H

Year 18 and Counting

I began this project a few years ago during our 35th year of marriage. It was supposed to be a Valentine’s gift to my husband. The plan was one special remembrance for each year. I sailed through years 1 to 17. Whether years 18 on were more difficult to write about or whether recent years—parents’ deaths, new grandbabies, retirement, and a move—something interrupted my writing. I am attempting this project again. Now we’ve made it 37 years, but like ocean tides going in and out, we hit high seas around year 20.

On the cusp of year 2000, some highly educated people in our neighborhood were freaking out over the change to the new millennium. These were doctors, who said that technology would be thrown into a tizzy with the change from 1999 to 2000. That everything linked to your name, identification, including bank accounts would crash. Some of these families began to stockpile, as though planning for the end of the world, like a harbinger of the Apocalypse. Really. Our neighborhood Bible study consisted of an M.D., a Ph.D., and everyone else had a B.A. or B.S. (so educated beyond high school), primarily Protestant, some evangelical. I bristled at many discussions, biting my tongue as conservatives railed against those who weren’t like them. Oh. My. Word. It was a difficult time for me—trying to appease the lions. I questioned who these people are, as the women (mostly stay-at-home moms) questioned me for working. The men generally stayed silent on this topic.

L.D.—I don’t know how you do it. I’m so glad my husband makes enough so I can stay home. It must be really hard for you.

Me—

S.M.—Yeah, I can’t see working and turning my kids over to somebody else.

Me—Sigh.

Ironically, I ended up teaching their kids in my biology classes. Dale and I drifted apart from these people, perhaps subconsciously adhering to a moral or religious divide. Maybe it was our kids moving on to different schools, or our switching jobs, but we didn’t socialize with them as much, except for the occasional wave as we drove up the street.

Instead our lives became entrenched in kid activities. Daughter M. was a 15-year-old sophomore, Daughter A. 12, and Daughter S. 9. M. competed in volleyball, swimming, and water polo, and A. played volleyball and basketball, and S. pursued theatre and horseback riding, and everyone did 4H.  Our new friends became parents of other teammates.  Daughter M. qualified for Far Westerns and other big events, often held at a swim complex in the Bay Area. Weekends began at 5 am, a two-hour drive with a McDonald’s breakfast on the way.  We loaded the car the night before with tent, sleeping bags, pillows, piles of towels (one per event, plus one per each warm-up), team parkas, hats, gloves, boots, nothing less even in summer. The difficulty was staying warm between events. During one swim meet in Walnut Creek, snow blanketed the hills and ice coated the deck. Hazard cones designated slippery spots, so swimmers accepted the challenge of a new sport—ice skating, while parents sat bundled in cars or by heaters under tarps.

To make a meet go faster, parents timed, judged, or scored, which meant donuts, lots and lots of them and all day long. Eating that Crispy Cream or maple bar with extra drizzle was optional, but few parents passed them up. Swimmers maintained their lean, sculpted physiques, while parents not so much. You could equate the better swimmers with their more portly parents, those who spent more time sitting at swim meets.  Dale and I trained as stroke coaches for U.S. Swim, where we walked the pool deck (trying to get some exercise), watching each stroke and turn by poor, exhausted little kids. The occasional swimmer who couldn’t pass muster (per U.S. Swim rules) tormented me as I much as I did him or her with that white DQ (disqualification) slip or “traffic ticket” (my phrase in an effort to minimize the damage).

Volleyball tournaments were a welcome change from the freezing cold of winter swim meets and scorching heat of summer swim meets. These tournaments were played inside a gym, where parents didn’t need to time, judge, or score, and the action lasted an hour, sometimes longer if the games were close, making the drive reasonable; whereas, some swim events finished under a minute. Daughter M. swam a 50 free in 26 seconds—and we drove two hours for that event—and then two hours home. But, hey, these were our kids and we were doing the parent thing. Dale and I traded weekends with daughters, but I usually attended swim meets since swimming was in my veins and background, while Dale, a former volleyball coach, became the volleyball parent. Through it all, we accumulated points at Residence Inns or Best Westerns, hotels of choice for traveling athletes because breakfast was included—that yellow blob of scrambled egg, on demand waffles, some sort of sausage or micro waved bacon and coffee of the blandest kind in the world.

When our youngest Daughter S. chose to compete in gymnastics, we were prepared to work the sidelines, whether it was bringing food & drinks, scoring, timing, or judging. We knew the “drill”—early weekend hours and two-hour (minimum) drives with sleeping athletes. We knew the costs of sports. What a welcome surprise for us at the first gymnastics competition—parents were banished to the stands, not permitted anywhere near the floor. Wootwoot! I read many books during gymnastics tournaments; looking up in time to watch the floor exercise or vault or whatever S. was doing. I even came to recognize which level competed by the music, synthesized variations of “tinny” sounding themes.  We came to enjoy, even relish, sports weekends, and then as all good things come to an end—our youngest daughter graduated, and so did we.

35 Years of Marriage–Year 16 (Year of the Sheep)

I began this series as an anniversary gift to my husband, Dale. I didn’t make the postings in time for that anniversary, our 30th, as life interrupted my plans. But, we are still married and Valentine’s Day is approaching, so I continue.

If 1998 was our Year of the Pig, 1999 was our Year of the Sheep. And surgeries, several of them. February, 1999, our 4H girls decided sheep might be easier to raise, so we acquired two sheep–one for Meghan, one for Allie. Farmers and ag-people must be ROFL at this point. Sheep easier? What a bunch of city slickers. Yes, we were/are.

We learned about care, feeding, grooming, shearing, and I used my sewing skills for their skin-tight leotards. Who knew sheep needed a covering? Apparently, that wool keeps them warm at night, and where we lived they needed it. Who knew you use Woolite to wash a sheep? Yes, yes, you do. So many things I learned, and I studied biology in college–albeit not ag bio. There is a huge difference. My experience with organisms were 1) they were mostly dead and preserved or 2) they were of the microscopic variety, and on occasion, we experimented on each other in labs, e.g. human physiology tests on heart rate, etc. Never pigs or sheep.

While the sheep were fattening for the fair, I learned about nursing. Two days before school let out, Allie broke her leg, which required surgery and pinning. Poor thing, she occupied our couch for the first week of June, and literally got a “boot” in time for the next patient, Meghan, who had a scheduled orthognathic surgery, and a wired mouth for six weeks. Finally, Dale’s knee surgery, then he had the couch. Sam and I nursed the family and cared for the sheep (since their “farmers” were incapacitated) all June. By July, I needed a mental health break.

The stress of surgeries was slightly less than the stress of switching school districts, the latter offset by pay increases. I was shy one unit of graduate level physical sciences for my new position, and I found the perfect solution–a family road trip to Yellowstone, where I could take a University of Montana research level class in geysers, mud pots, and hot springs. We looked like a family who’d been in a car accident–Dale and Allie hobbling around, Meghan with her mouth wired shut, but what a trip we had. Visited Uncle Steve in Nevada and Uncle Carl in Idaho, camped in glorious Yellowstone, stayed with Aunt Claudie in Washington. Best part? No shortage of volunteer neighbors (parents and kids) who wanted to care for the sheep while we were out-of-town.

 

 

35 Years of Marriage–Year 15

1998 was the Year of the Pig, at least in our family.  In the Chinese calendar, it was the Year of the Tiger, but that summer we raised Rufus, a spring pig in 4H, and Meghan aged 13, Allie 10, Sam 7, and me and Dale middle-aged and feeling it.

After school and for several weekends, Dale and Meghan dug trenches and poured cement for a pig pen–one that a 250+ pound pig could not escape. We were city slickers, suburbanites really, and understood cats and dogs, hamsters and parakeets. With a dismal knowledge of livestock, we relied on 4H leaders to teach us what we needed to know, basically everything. As the saying goes, “When in the rurals, do as the rurals do.” We lived on the edge of suburbia, surrounded by farmland. We could do this.

Rufus arrived straight from his birthplace, a few miles down the road at a respectable 70 pounds. He needed to gain another 160+ pounds before the Monterey County State Fair. So, began our foray into farming, which meant extra work for me and Dale, as we oversaw twice daily feedings, stall cleanings, and pig walks, drove to feed stores for hay and feed, carted water to the trough, and drove kids to weekly 4H meetings.

Pigs are smart; they bark like dogs, chase paper flying in the wind, sprint when a gate swings open. Within minutes of “rooting” in his new pen, Rufus found the waterer, a large PVC pipe with a mammary gland-like metal tube. Knowing where to find water proves pigs’ intelligence, and Rufus was brilliant. He figured out how to shower by leaning his butt against the nozzle and make a sloppy pool of mud to wallow in. Five gallons of water emptied quickly, so Dale and I replenished the supply hourly. Good thing we were on summer break.

I cried during Rufus’s “weigh-in” at the fair, anticipating the loss of my swine companion, while Meghan calculated her potential earnings from his 265 pounds at auction. I think she looked forward to sleeping in past 6 am. Rufus won his weight-class, Meghan and Rufus performed well in showmanship, and I held it together until Sunday night when the fair ended. It took me  a year to recover emotionally.

In Memory of Matilda

I have not written in weeks—no time, no energy, no desire until this morning. My first period entered loudly as they always do, most of them slurping Monster for breakfast, and those who do not suck up Starbucks espresso. I have a cup of coffee to match their energy, but today was a little different. Adrien was gone all of last week at the Salinas County Fair and he returned solemn as though he lost his best friend. I get it. Fifteen-year-old Adrien raised a pig and sold it on Sunday. I asked if he said his goodbyes and he started to tear up and then I started to tear up and then the entire class hushed to hear our stories.

Me: I remember our family’s first pig. The night before we sold Brutus (appropriate as we are studying Julius Caesar), I cried. Our children did not cry until after the auction, when the truck pulled up and the pigs were marked with spray paint to determine their final destination, but I cried the night before. It was just as well, since I had serious consoling to do after the auction.

Adrian: (tears in his eyes, but thankfully, not on his cheeks) She was a great pig. I called her Matilda. She ran around, barked, and barked whenever she saw me. I fed her the last meal, and when I turned to walk away, she barked some more. She never did that before. (Now, the tears were on his cheeks.)

Me: I am sorry. I completely understand. Pigs are amazing creatures—so intelligent, certainly much smarter than sheep (hoping to get a smile).

Adrien: Yeah, she knew me. We had great times together. I tattooed her name on my arm so I will always remember her.

Adrian unveiled the scripted, black inked Matilda on his forearm. Priceless.

Okay, time to get to studies like Julius Caesar. I love this class. I am going to miss them. We bonded in the same way Adrian did with his Matilda (not that I should compare a class of sophomores to a pen of pigs—well, maybe). I am going to miss the way we seamlessly move from a sob story to laughter to somber discussion. This seldom happens, but when it happens, it is as indelible as a tattoo on the mind or heart.

31 Years of Memories–Year 14, Part 2

Second Half of a Duck’s Life 1996 – 1997

Registration forms for the Monterey County Fair were due in July. Meg and Allie, who were showing rabbits and pigs, suggested showing Quackers in the poultry division. We agreed that Quackers could join us at the fair, but no one had any desire to hold him. Quackers would be strictly “shown for judging,” but not in the “showmanship” event. No one in the family, or in the entire 4H club for that matter, wanted to participate in showmanship competition with that duck. Far too dangerous.

In showmanship, the 4H member demonstrates how to handle the animal, such as a sheep, pig, cow, or a duck. The competitor’s job is to present the animal to the judge and to demonstrate how easily he/she commands the animal. As an example, in pig showmanship, 4Hrs use canes for physical prodding to maneuver pigs around the corral. Come “fair time,” it is apparent which kids exercised their pigs and which kids did not. Pigs that dart while barking like dogs and that run down other pigs or small children or elderly are pigs that received inadequate exercise by their 4H member. Other pigs that stroll along with gentle encouragement by a cane to reveal their well-developed ham-hocks or muscular shoulders are pigs that received regular exercise. Poultry showmanship involved holding the animal and there was no way any of us could handle this unruly duck. The duck could compete, but not in showmanship.

The morning of the fair, we lined the familiar orange crate with a bedding of hay to drive the 20 miles with Quackers’s head peering out of the crate. He squawked the entire way as though giving us directions, as though he knew where he was going. At check in, the poultry division leader immediately called for the largest cage available—likely one used by Macaws, Iguanas, or something even larger. The leaders banded Quackers, checked him for disease, and pronounced him “a healthy, prime specimen.” Quackers attempted to bite their hands, but these seasoned professionals knew exactly how to handle this difficult bird.

The first day of the fair was children’s day, where processions of schoolchildren marched through the animal exhibits. Most of these kids lived in the city and only saw farm animals at fair time. The poultry barn was the first barn in the livestock area, so the children’s’ energy and enthusiasm for the day was at a peak of excitement. Posted at each entry to the barn, above each block of cages, on every post were signs cautioning people NOT to put fingers in the cages. Beneath the warning, in smaller print, was an explanation that this disturbs the fragile birds. Young children do not read signs, so teachers, chaperones, and poultry leaders cautioned children to look, but not to touch the cages. For some, of course, this was not a warning, but an invitation. Quackers was at the far end of the block, near the back, waiting. Kids ran their fingers along the cages just as they would run a stick along a picket fence, enjoying the thud-thud-thud and resulting flap-flap-flap as the birds freaked and flew to the back of the tiny cage for safety. Except when they arrived at Quakers.

Quackers squatted at the edge of his cage, ready to bolt for freedom, ready to reclaim his yard, ready to bite whoever dared approach. One crying, screaming child after another learned a lesson that day, and the poultry leaders loved that bird even more. At the end of judging, Quackers won Best of Water Fowl, Best of Show, and $14.

Quackers earned family respect and admiration by winning the titles of Monterey County Fair Champion Water Fowl and Best of Show in Poultry Division awards. He gave us excitement (chased children and wild animals from our yard), money (won $14 from the County Fair), and fertilizer (everywhere he waddled in the yard and on the deck), but the lovable Quackers, pet extraordinaire and award-winning duck, met an untimely death in the form of a neighborhood dog (or raccoon or skunk or possum or cat—the duck had many enemies) in early fall.

I will never know what beast the duck encountered, yet I have no doubt that there was quite a struggle. Judging by the down feathers and fur floating in the air and on the trees, the blood-stained dirt, the trampled bushes, Quackers must have inflicted his share of wounds upon the perpetrator (as he did on all of us). As the sayings go, “He who lives by the sword must die by the sword” or “All bills must be paid.” The duck attacked everyone, except perhaps Dale—the alpha male of our flock, who dared enter his domain. In fact, the night before he died, Quackers brutally bit a skunk on the nose. I knew what was going to happen next, so I darted out the garage and into the backyard, which, of course, meant the duck now had to chase yet another invader from his yard. I owned the house; the duck owned the yard. He quacked, released the skunk’s nose, and went after me. The next day the duck died and we cried.

We received the call from our whimpering children who arrived first and witnessed the carnage. It has taken years of therapy to relieve them of the trauma. Though the girls considered Quackers a general nuisance, avoiding him at all costs, their phone call betrayed their true feelings, “Ducky’s dead. He’s dead.” I cried with them. He was fodder for many a story—shoot—he could have been a book.

Dale drove quickly home to bury Quackers beneath our fruit trees, a veritable orchard and pet cemetery in our yard. Beneath each fruit tree (and we have dozens) lie the remains of cats, dogs, rabbits, birds, hamsters, and now our duck. Dale had skinned several of our previously dead animals, just like out of those crazy, southern backwoods shows on television. Rex, our 4H show rabbit who died years before, was our first model with a hide we deemed too precious to waste. Dale skinned that thing, stretched and salted it, and we both used the sample fur for years in our biology classrooms. In fact, I passed the “skinning” technique on to my biology classes, as we “harvested” the hides of fetal pigs from dissection, using them for hacky-sacks or mini-footballs (pigskins for pigskin).

However, Quackers’s death was different. The wafting down feathers might have made a pillow or jacket, but not this time. Quackers required a deep hole and resting place near the plum-tree and beneath his old swimming pool. Our family needed a break from the drama.

31 Years of Memories–Year 14

First Half of 1996 – 1997

Our girls were 5, 8, and 11 when I returned to teaching high school full-time. This was the year of Quackers the duck and our immersion into the world of 4H, starting with poultry and rabbits, and then moving to sheep and pigs. One afternoon, Sammy brought home a special “gift” from her kindergarten class, a newly hatched, almost neon yellow duck. Quacker’s webbed feet never touched land as he was passed from one girl to the next. Most days, he slept contentedly in the palms of his many little mothers, within another hand’s reach of duck feed. Quackers thrived and pooped and pooped and thrived. At night, he slept in a refurbished hamster cage, which lasted about a week, as he quickly outgrew that abode and moved into the chicken coup.

Our cat, Ginger stalked him wherever he waddled, so our girls and their friends stood guard while he was young. However, ducks grow quickly, even faster than children do, and within a month, Quackers was twice the size of the cat. Ginger kept her distance—the two paced on the backyard deck—meowing and quacking, respectively to come into the house. By three months, in duck adolescence, Quackers was like something out of a Dr. Seuss book—a brown, white, yellow mishmash of colored feathers on short legs, long neck with a beacon of an orange bill. As he grew, he became territorial; hence, our assumption that this duck was a male and no 4H leader was going to “sex” him to find out.

One morning, Allie opened the chicken coup to release Quackers for his daily foraging of our yard. As she lifted him out of his cage, he flapped his white wings that proved flightless, which landed him squarely between the cage and a bale of hay. Bottom up and webbed feet kicking furiously, Quacker’s neck and small head wedged firmly in the narrow spot, while poor Allie screamed for help, but by the time I pulled Quackers free, he was bleeding from his bill, which I deduced brain damage. Sure enough, the next few days Quackers staggered around the yard, twisting his head to one side to see with his one good eye. He was a sad, nearly blind duck—a large, flightless Pekin better for a meal than anything else, but slowly, over weeks, Quackers recovered.

At four months, Quackers had developed into a well-fed Pekin, ready for a banquet. He flourished from the exercise and endless supply of food. The exercise came from chasing small children who ran about our yard. Not that he would eat any of them, but countless kids from the neighborhood sustained tiny red welts from his bill-bites, as he latched on the thinnest piece of skin and held tight. I was the nurse for many. Once safely atop the play structure, the children were stranded by Quackers, who circled the area, quacked loudly, and waited to strike unaware children who swung too low, or dropped from the rope, or slid down the slide, or jumped off the monkey bars. He was there. Waiting. Quacking. Again, I rescued kids with my mop in hand and defended against duck-attacks.

By summer’s end, after months of hosing off the deck or walkways or wherever the duck waddled, months of dashing outside mop in hand to protect small, defenseless children, I was “done with duck raising.” Time to release our assailant. Quackers clearly outgrew our domain, one-half acre was insufficient territory. He needed a more expansive spread; say the entire pond at the bottom of our hill. The hills beyond our house were nearly limitless—expanding into 1500 acres of wilderness, a regional park. Quackers could roam forever–free at last!

We found a large orange crate in which Quackers could sit, and then with smiles amid tears, we marched down the hill. Each little girl sniffled her goodbyes, sure that he would miss her and she would miss him. Dale brought the camera; we would have pictures. We reached the edge of the pond where Dale tenderly placed the box of Quackers. The five of us plus duck stood our places at the lip of the pond. I focused the camera, ready for action. Nothing happened. We waited—no flapping of wings, no quacking. The duck remained in the box, and he was not going anywhere. Quackers looked at Dale, with pleading in his eyes, and he turned his head from side to side to make sure Dale saw both eyes (prey, of course, have eyes on the sides of their head). He waited for his master, Dale to do something. Dale reached down and removed Quackers from the carton. The duck moved as close as possible to Dale’s size 14 boot, which Quackers knew well, but the boot was a safer bet than the unknown but beautiful pond. So, we stood—duck, Dale, me, Meg, Allie, and Sam for the longest time. No one moved.

After a few minutes, Dale with soft and gentle hands that Quackers never experienced before picked up the duck. He lovingly stroked Quackers’ long white feathers, spoke kind words, and said, “Goodbye. Be strong. Be a duck.” Then, he tossed him, as a quarterback would throw a football to a receiver at the far end of the field. Quackers instinctively flapped, which, of course was useless. He landed with a giant splash because he was such a beefy bird, and sprinted out of the water as though chased by some predator. Now, he was quacking, loudly, furiously, and shaking. He ran to his master’s side and Dale tried again. In fact, Dale tried to get rid of Quackers at least five times. Each heave met with a quacking duck, exiting the water faster than before—taking off as a seaplane. After an hour of unsuccessful attempts of introducing Quackers to our pond, we gave up. He was going home. To our house. I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

A Tableful of Memories

My home is an eclectic mix of children, pets, and furniture, never more as apparent as on holidays. On Thanksgiving and Christmas, we set our family table with delicious family recipes, served on inherited china and in mismatched goblets—nothing matches, of course, but none of this matters. There was a time when my children were small, I was young and stupid and obsessed with my house resembling a catalog or magazine home. How foolish was I. My family quickly changed that concept—that my tablescape should mirror Martha Stewart’s with coordinated china, crystal, and silver, and my trees trimmed with themed ornaments and strung with perfectly arranged, twinkling lights. My bulbs stick on some strobe cycle, or the entire strand burns out from one “dead-watt” bulb, which I can never isolate. My china and crystal are chipped or nearly non-existent. Silver? Seriously, silver plate.

We married during the year of the “salad spinner,” that plastic bowl that gyro-scopes lettuce to oblivion. Salad spinners were inexpensive, since our wedding fell on the heels of Christmas, and practical, judging by the number we received in December 1982. We did not receive china or crystal or silver. Thirty plus years later, I appreciate what we have. I have stories—lots and lots of them.

Awhile ago, I inherited my grandmother’s china, the Johnson Brothers set that depicts country scenes throughout the year, which is appropriate since we live in the countryside. When I set the table, I remember my grandparents, gone long ago but not forgotten. I acquired my grandmother’s recipes, such as curried chicken with cashews, apples, and raisins, her minced pie, her pumpkin pie, her crab cakes. I am grateful for her well-turned recipes, and in awe of the brave woman who held her family together during the Great Depression by opening a restaurant in Hollywood. Her amazing meals attracted stars off the movie lots and they autographed the tablecloths in her little café—people like Clark Gable, Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, and Lana Turner.

Through the decades, my husband and I have attended over thirty proms and have the glassware to show for it. We both taught high school science at Seaside High for eighteen years, “scoring the best extra duty” of prom, and now have sets of phony crystal from a multitude of proms. The unifying element is that each glass has the school name, “Seaside High” embossed on it. The long-stemmed, champagne flutes reflect the prom themes—in blues, grays, or black tints, or clear glass with fancy scroll, or fogged glass or etched in random patterns, or with gold or silver rims. Mr. and Mrs. Harrison were entitled to taking one apiece as chaperones, therefore we gathered a nice assortment.  Perhaps Martha Stewart would approve of that.

Our fine tablecloth has a story, as does our fancy crystal bowl.  Years ago, our neighbors left town, sold their home for a song, and returned to their homeland of Romania—all in one weekend. I recall the family standing at our front door early Saturday morning to say goodbye, and handing us a few prized possessions they saw no point in taking back with them. The tablecloth is hand sewn from Romania, of course, and the crystal bowl is almost too lovely for our home. It is perhaps the only “real crystal” we own, with the fancy signature on the bottom of the bowl—not Princess House or American made—but European old-style—Baccarat? It was the next family who informed us why the Romanians hastily departed and under what dire circumstances. I have no idea if they made it to Romania or to prison, but crimes and indictment were part of the gossip. Nice people.

Our Christmas tree ornaments are connected, since nearly all are gifts from students through the years—some handmade, some Hallmark. A few apples, naturally, among the lot. Many are 4H projects by our own children. Many are music instruments, such as tiny violins on a string, or gilded treble clefs hanging by a wire, as music is another significant part of our house. None match, of course, which matters not in the least.  All are priceless.

Aside

Quackers earned the family respect and admiration by winning the titles of Monterey County Fair Champion Water Fowl and Best of Show in Poultry Division awards. He gave us excitement (chased children and wild animals from our yard), money (won … Continue reading

First Prize Duck

Our brain-damaged duck continued to dominate our yard and to wreak havoc on our household. An unsuccessful “release” and subsequent return of Quackers to the only home he knew reinforced that he was indeed “king” of his backyard forest and all its little creatures. I coped by heading back to work. The grandparents protected our children while my husband and I were gone. They could handle anything; they raised children during the 1960s.

Grandpa L., who was in the midst of fighting his own dementia (Alzheimer’s), took on the task of playing defender to the duck. Each time the duck chased the kids, Grandpa L. was there, and snatching up the duck faster than a goalie stops a puck across the ice. How he managed to do this was a mystery to us, as Grandpa L. was unsteady on his feet. Yet, when called to act, Grandpa L. grabbed this duck, while the rest of the household, save Dale, could not. Both duck and grandpa received plenty of exercise that summer. By July’s end, Quackers had grown fat, almost behemoth, sort of like a fully stuffed, 40 pound Butterball turkey, only this was no turkey, just a snowy, white duck with flaming, orange feet and bill. Only adults in good physical condition could lift him.

Registration forms for the Monterey County Fair were due soon. Our twelve-year-old daughter, Meg, who was raising a pig, suggested showing Quackers in the poultry division. We agreed that Quackers could join us at the fair, but no one had any desire to hold him. Quackers would be strictly “shown for judging,” but not in the “showmanship” event. No one in the family, or in the entire 4H club for that matter, wanted to participate in showmanship competition with that duck. Far too dangerous.

In showmanship, the 4H member demonstrates how to handle the animal, such as goat, chicken, sheep, rabbit, cattle, or duck. The competitor’s job is present the animal to the judge and to demonstrate how easily he/she works. As an example, their owners, who use a cane for physical prodding, maneuver pigs around the corral. Come “fair time,” it is apparent which kids “exercised” their pigs, and which kids did not. Pigs that dart, while barking like dogs, and who run down other pigs or small children or elderly, are pigs that did not receive adequate exercise.  Other pigs stroll along, with gentle encouragement by the cane, reveal their well-developed ham-hocks or shoulders, from their exercise. There was no way any of us could handle this unruly duck. The duck could compete, but not in showmanship.

The morning of the fair, we lined the familiar orange crate with a bedding of hay, while Grandpa L. set Quackers inside. We drove the 20 miles with Quackers’s head peering out of the crate and squawking the entire way. At check in, the poultry division leader immediately called for the largest cage available—likely one used by Macaws, Iguanas, or something even larger. Quackers was banded and checked for disease and the leaders remarked they had never seen such a healthy, prime specimen. Quackers attempted to bite their hands, but these were professionals, and they knew exactly how to handle this difficult bird.

The first day of the fair was children’s day, where processions of schoolchildren marched through the animal exhibits. Most of these kids lived in the city and only saw farm animals at fair time. The poultry barn was the first barn in the livestock area, so the children’s energy and enthusiasm for the day was at a peak of excitement. Posted at each entry to the barn, above each block of cages, on every post, were warning signs cautioning NOT to put fingers in the cages. Beneath the warning signs, in smaller print, was the explanation that this disturbs the fragile birds. Young children do not read signs, so teachers and poultry leaders cautioned children to look, but not to touch the cages. For some, of course, this was not a warning, but an invitation. Quackers was at the far end of the block, near the back, waiting. Kids ran their fingers along the cages just as they would run a stick along a picket fence, enjoying the thud-thud-thud and resulting flap-flap-flap as the birds freaked and flew to the back of the tiny cage for safety. Except when they arrived at Quackers.

Quackers squatted at the edge of his cage, ready to bolt for freedom, ready to reclaim his yard, ready to bite whoever dared approach. One crying, screaming child after another learned a lesson that day, and the poultry leaders loved that bird even more. At the end of judging, Quackers won Best of Water Fowl, Best of Show, and $14.

Going Nowhere

Months of hosing off the deck or walkways or wherever the duck waddled, months of dashing outside mop or broom in hand to protect small, defenseless children, I was “done with duck raising.” Time for releasing our assailant.  Quackers, clearly, outgrew our domain; one-half acre was insufficient territory. He needed a more expansive spread, say the entire pond at the bottom of our hill, that extended up a ravine, and then into pastures.  The hills beyond our house were nearly limitless—expanding into 1500 acres of wilderness, a regional park. Quackers could roam forever!

I gathered the family and discussed the plan. We would “release” Quackers at our neighborhood pond, and figured that time of release was now. Our neighborhood pond usually harbored a few “drop-in” ducks, which during the summer migrated to other pastures and ponds. In fall, when the pond dried up, it became home to white egrets and blue herons, who feasted on local fish and frog “jerky” or the few remaining pond inhabitants. During winter and spring, flocks of migratory birds, e.g. Canadian geese and mallards visited. But, in summer, only kids with fishing poles and occasional, solitary, wayward birds idled by the pond, both hoping for a nibble. Since pond visitors were sparse from June to August, Quackers could nestle in his new home; establish his new territory before the onslaught of other visiting ducks and geese in September. What a plan!

We found a large orange crate in which Quackers could sit, and then with smiles among tears, we marched down the hill, carefully carting the quacking duck. Each little girl sniffled her goodbyes, sure, that he would miss her and she would miss him. Dale brought the camera for prosperity. We would have pictures, if the memories faded.  We reached the edge of the pond where Dale softly, tenderly placed the box with Quackers.  The five of us plus duck stood our places at the lip of the pond. I focused the camera, ready for action. Nothing happened. We waited—no flapping of wings, no quacking. Silence and no movement. The duck remained in the box, and he was not going anywhere. Quackers looked at Dale, with pleading in his eyes, and he turned his head from side to side to make sure Dale saw both eyes (prey, of course, has eyes on the sides of their head). He waited for his master, Dale, to do something. Dale reached down and removed Quackers from the carton. The duck moved as close as possible to Dale’s size 14 boot, which Quackers knew well, but was actually a safer bet than the unknown but beautiful pond, nearly three times the size of our swimming pool, and 20 times larger than Quackers’s pool. So, we stood—duck, Dale, me, Meg, Allie, and Sam for the longest time. No one moved.

After a few minutes, Dale, with soft and gentle hands that Quackers had never experienced before, picked up the duck. Dale lovingly stroked Quackers’s long white feathers, spoke kind words, and said, “Goodbye. Be strong. Be a duck.” Then, he tossed him as a quarterback would heave a football to a receiver on the far end of a football field. Quackers instinctively flapped, which, of course was useless. He landed with a giant splash in the middle of the pool, because he was such a large bird, and sprinted out of the water as though chased by a hungry predator. Now, he was quacking, loudly, furiously, and shaking. He ran to his master’s side and Dale tried again. In fact, Dale tried to get rid of Quackers at least five times. Each heave matched with a quacking duck, exiting the water faster than before—nearly taking off as a seaplane. After an hour of unsuccessful attempts of introducing Quackers to our pond, we gave up. He was going home. To our house. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.